Yesterday, it all finally hit me. I woke up feeling feverish and crappy, after the previous day feeling good.
One of the first things I saw was an update from one of my favorite people, who happens to be a doctor married to another doctor, and I've been worried about both of them and their family. I finally cried.
I've been worried about my own parents, my father-in-law, my husband's grandmother...
Dash's preschool teacher is married to an ER nurse, so I'm worried about that family, too.
Another friend is a nurse in the UK, who walked into a pub tonight to tell all those assembled there to go the fuck home and start listening to advice from the experts. Some walked out right then. The slow response in the UK worries me. How is it possible that Boris's response is perhaps worse than Trump's?
Today is better. I made sure to nap when I hit a wall. I'm having fun teaching Dash to read while we're all cooped up, and he's doing an amazing job at just 2.75 years old. I'm no preschool teacher, but I can feed a hungry mind.
The last 48 hours has been a clear reminder: There will be ups and downs. I'm gonna feel it all. Eventually, this godforsaken cough will really and truly be gone, and I won't have to wonder what's causing it. I'll be able to sip from my stockpile of Golden State cider.
I'm going to devote time to fixing up my shambolic hillside garden, which became particularly neglected through the rainy winter months of patriotic protest and getting the word out about President Warren. Maybe I'll even put in a victory garden to see us through these weird times with fresh produce.
Last night, the power went out, and James and I just lit some candles and saved our rations from destruction. We're a good apocalypse team. We'll make the most of this, together.
There are masks to make for medics, there's useful information to share, and I have people I can help from a distance. My kid, my dog, my amazing husband and myself are now a weird little apocalypse survival team, but we've been building the skills to survive this thing from the start.
Keep calm and carry on, even if you have to let your heart feel heavy for a bit between the good times.